Is Love Enough for Marriage? Considerations you need to make before you tie the knot
Satyam was in a good mood as he headed home with a spring in his step. love Although it was 2 a.m., the night had flown by. His heart was so full of love for her. love The inside and the outside of Dolly were both beautiful. It was a miracle of miracles, but she also loved him! love The fact that she had told him that had been confirmed by her. It was crystal clear to her tonight.
love There was more than just attraction between them; it was love! love There was going to be a lifetime of happiness spent together between them. The dreams and plans he had in his head as he headed home were still buzzing around his head. He was so excited to see her again, and he texted her right there in the middle of the street at 2 a.m. because he could not wait to see her again. It was a letter that read, “I love you; I’ll be gone,” it was written. “I love you 2” was the immediate reply from the woman.
There had been a six-month relationship between Satyam and Dolly. Clearly, they were not teenagers, they were mature adults with responsible jobs, and they were not teenagers. A number of relationships had brought them weird surprises, annoyances, or were just plain wrong. It was a different one, and both of them considered it so, often telling any friend that would listen that it was different. The two of them see each other often, at least three times a week, they saw each other. It had been a long and deep conversation between them.
There was no way they would live together because neither wanted to live together. You could call them romantics; maybe their religious values are aligned on a personal level, but in any case, they both consciously decided to be together. The only thing they seemed to want was to get married.
Did they do their due diligence before they made such a decision?
What is their purpose? There is no hiring going on at this time! Can you tell me what you are referring to, Dr. Gaurav Kant?
Let me ask you a question: If you make a bad hire, how much more do you have to lose than making the wrong choice of a mate?
I hope you would understand. If we were wise, we’d all do the due diligence before falling head over heels for someone else because it’s hard to get out of a bind when you’re in love since it’s harder to untangle yourself when you’re in love. It is quite possible that once you become obsessed with someone, you will go against your best instincts; you will disregard your friends’ advice; you will deny what you are seeing; and, in the end, you will forget all of what you learned in third grade about math.
To be able to make a good marriage choice, you would want to consider the following four broad areas before getting married:
Do they treat you well?
A person might not be treating you right if they ignore you when you are talking, goes out with others, forgets to invite you to social or family events, isn’t polite, finds fault, wants things to be done their way all the time, isn’t polite, finds the spot, wants things their way all the time, don’t ask for your opinions, blames, criticizes, is sarcastic, flirts with others, forgets about your birthday, or a host of other things you can easily imagine.
Just a few minutes ago, I was talking to a mom about her daughter, who recently got engaged. It was expected that her daughter’s fiancé would pay for the entire wedding. However, he wanted only the event’s most expensive venue and catering company.
This surprised me a lot. It surprised me that men were so into that. It wasn’t that one, she said. It was this one. What is your daughter’s view of this whole thing?” That was the question on my mind at the time. It was clear from this mother’s words that she disagreed with what he had to say. She is one of those people who like to save money. She works hard and earns a decent salary but wants to keep much more than he does.
Once again, I was taken by surprise. How could this couple make it this far without having ironed this out at an earlier stage? Doesn’t this young man want to please her, doesn’t he? A mom explained to her daughter that to keep her man happy. She feels that she has to compromise. That’s lovely, that’s wonderful. I agree with you in theory. But what does he intend to do with the money he is donating to the cause? To come to a compromise, both parties must be willing to compromise. There is a risk that one person will feel resentful over time if they always give in to everyone.
Giving is at the heart of every marriage. That’s the first base for you. The most important thing is not to focus on yourself; it is to focus on the other person. You can only hit a home run if you get to first base.
A marriage is more than just a place where love blossoms. It is also where laundry, groceries, and childcare get done. If we are going to elevate what may seem like drudgery into something enjoyable, maybe even fun, then we have to establish a sense of teamwork to make it a pleasant experience. The first thing you should do is decide which kind of a team you will be regarding finances, parenting, cleaning, and errands, well before the ring is given. This is one of the essential elements of a successful marriage.
2) Would you like to spend time with your family?
As a married couple, you belong to the same family as your partner. The family should be nice, kind, friendly, open, accepting, and supportive, or should it be fault-finding, rejecting, dysfunctional, and mean to you?
There are only two ways to handle the situation, assuming the worst. You can either end the relationship or your partner will make a clean break with the family. The third option is not available to you. There are many aspects of a clean break, such as financial, social, psychological, and perhaps even geographical. If your partner can do that, they must be robust.
There is a problem with clingy parents whose children will never marry someone good enough for them because they have brainwashed their children into believing they have the perfect way of raising their children.
I think this is a very clever idea. There is no question that an adult children will not question their parents’ motives if they believe they have their best interests at heart. In this situation, the child will not be able to escape.
The relationship with somebody I know raised many eyebrows in the community. I suggested that he speak to the husband of his girlfriend’s sister’s sister’s sister to get a feel of what life is like in the family they belong to. He’s an excellent person to ask since he’ll become his brother-in-law soon, so he’s a fantastic person to ask: an insider out of the box.
A family may seem lovely and accepting at first glance, but they may not be willing to let go of their child. At the last minute, they can pull the rug from under you. What kind of preparations do you make?
The answer is this: Don’t ignore the tip of the iceberg regarding security. The point is that you should never, ever, ever, ever say something like: “Oh, that only happened once.” No, never, ever! It is not out of character for me to do what I am doing. Remember that whatever you observe is always part of a more significant pattern. There is no denying that your girlfriend’s parents can significantly sabotage a date, weigh in negatively on your job, character, or behavior (provided all of these are impeccable), or throw monkey wrenches into your relationship in any way.
The following is an actual incident that occurred to Satyam in the past. It was decided that her parents would include Dolly in their vacation. It is obvious that Dolly is 26 years old and does not need to go with her parents if she does not want to. It was, however, decided that they were going to a resort and that it would be a wonderful bonding experience to have her for a week before she got married, mainly because they were going to the resort.
Satyam just happened to be traveling for two weeks over the summer, and he had been looking forward to spending as much time as he could with Karen. It was at least a comfort to know that he would be able to spend the second week with her. A week later, Karen sent him a text message from the hotel telling him they would extend their stay for another week.
Are you able to see the iceberg? You should have your partner’s back when it comes to the family members of your partner’s partner.
3) Is there a lot in common between you and me?
Despite research showing that opposites attract, many factors need to agree upon for a marriage to succeed, including religion, work ethic, family values, and other significant factors that should be on the same page.
The first step to making a list of what’s important to you is to label each item based on its weight between 1 and 10. Afterward, compare your results with those of your partner.
4) Have you been married for 30 years or just started dating a few months ago?
In the case of an already married couple, the rules are entirely different. The idea of turning around a suffering marriage has been discussed extensively on this site, my site, and even in my book. It has been my responsibility to discuss healing, reconnecting spiritually, reinvigorating the passion, and starting over with one’s spouse, even if there has been verbal abuse in the past.
This is because you have built a life together, even having children together; you have created a shared life together. Even if there has been a gap of 5, 10, 20, or 30 years or more that has intervened, there can still be some bond that needs to be respected. I have statistics to back me up: There is a tendency for the person who files for divorce to end up depressed throughout the divorce process as opposed to the person who receives the papers.
In any case, if you are dating, no matter if it is a year or two, you do not have that same shared life when you are married. There have only been a slight loss of time to you and nothing more. Initially, you may feel that you have invested your heart in this marriage; however, as time progresses, you will see that the investment was only a drop compared to divorce after a long-standing relationship.
The story’s moral is always to give the benefit of the doubt when trying to get along with someone while living together. It is essential to follow the tip-of-the-iceberg rule in a relatively new relationship and run the other way if these four elements are absent.
